Victim blaming is all too common in cases of domestic violence. How often have you heard the victim questioned why they stayed so long, why didn’t they get out sooner or they may be accused of not being perfect either during a long term domestic violent relationship as if not being perfect warrants abuse in a relationship and even in the case of rape, the victim is asked what she was wearing as if she was responsible for the actions of her rapist.
An adult may blame themselves for their parent’s abuse towards them saying they deserved the beating because they were a “rotten kid.”
A single parent can be looked on as neglectful to their children because they live in poverty though they work 3 part time jobs so they are home for their children before and after school but nothing is said about the parent who refuses to pay Child Support and contribute in any way to the financial and emotional needs of the children.
What about the single mother who was too scared to go for property settlement when her partner walked out or fight for custody because the abusive partner who threatened her life and avoided paying child support and their children are now young adults, can now go for 50% of their home 10 yrs on which she has continued to make payments on, though he has not paid $1 into their mortgage or paid $1 towards the wellbeing of their children while well meaning professionals, friends and family tell her she should have gone for property settlement 10 yrs prior.
Victim blaming comes in many forms. Some are more obvious than others. Professionals are not even aware they’re doing it, further victimising the victim and playing into the hands of the abuser.
Victim blaming is referred to secondary abuse or secondary assault.
The victim is further abused and held responsible for the abuse they have endured. This leads to greater psychological damage, depression and anxiety, leaving the victim isolated and pulling away from society and receiving any support at all. Psychological healing is non existent while they receive further abuse from their well meaning friends and family in the form of victim blaming.
