How does shame affect connection in relationships?
Connection is about acceptance and feeling emotionally safe with the other person enough to be vulnerable and to be yourself with that person without fear of rejection.
So what does shame do to that connection?
Shame says
“You’re not good enough.”
Shame robs a person of their value and their belief they are worthy of love and belonging.
Shame sends a clear message
“You are not worthy of love.”
“You do not belong.”
“I have no value and if you get to know the real me, you’ll agree.”
These messages stop a person from being vulnerable with other people. They push people away before anyone gets close enough to know them on an emotional level.
In a romantic relationship they may have a dependent attachment style because they still have the need for connection, approval and validation, however they hear things defensively because of shame, creating conflict resulting in their partner closing off.
Their partner shuts down and pulls away emotionally, physically and in their communication.
When we are courageous we reach out to each other. We share our fears and feelings of unworthiness.
We dare to let our partner get to know our true selves.
When we know our value, when we are confident in knowing we are worthy of love, we have the courage to step into our partner’s space of shame and say, “What are you needing from me? How can I support you?”
If you are needing support as a couple in communication, click on the link below for a booking today.
