There are many reasons why marriages fail. Anything from infidelity to ongoing conflict, not feeling heard, feelings not validated, not feeling respected, domestic violence, coercive abuse, and verbal and psychological abuse.
When there are children involved this can make separation more painful.
Often parents stay together “for the sake of the children” because they don’t want children to come from a “broken home”, however, if there is ongoing conflict and or different forms of abuse in the home, the children are already in a broken home.
Children should grow up in two loving homes than to grow up in a home without love, affection and respect.
It is very damaging if children only see criticism, contempt, hatred, yelling, name-calling, fear, and anger.
Once separation has been decided, where to from here?
Separation under one roof might sound like a good idea financially and to give the children consistency, however, for the couple, boundaries can become blurred and it will only increase the conflict, resentment, and criticism, especially if one parent begins to date.
Instead of children growing up with parents who love each other, they are now seeing parents who are sleeping in separate bedrooms and who are no longer communicating lovingly.
The most important thing in separation is to make sure the children feel emotionally, psychologically and physically safe.
Because parents are hurting, they may fall into the trap of trying to turn the children against the other parent through blame and using the children to vent to.
Protect the children from arguments and differences. The best thing for the children is to see their parents respecting, supporting and communicating positively with each other. This is what will help provide a stable home for the children while the parents work towards a second home for the children and the other parent.
Though parents are going through separation, it is important to lovingly support their children in and out of the home. If the children are involved in sports, the children still need two loving parents showing up for them, and cheering them on.
If your marriage has failed and you have decided to walk away is better for you both and the children, and you would like support in moving forward, click on the link below for a booking today.
