Negging is the act of subtly knocking down someone’s self-esteem to make them more receptive to sexual advances, sexual advances that have already received a refusal, or ones that might not receive a ‘yes’ in the first place according to sex educator and author Dr Caroline West.
Examples are:
“You’re not my usual type, so you’re lucky I’m interested.”
“You’re not like the other girls.”
“You’re smart for a girl.”
The insults are disguised as compliments.
Negging is generally targeted at women.
According to Dr Caroline West, there are entire careers made off of teaching men how to trick women into intimacy, rather than treating them with respect.
Negging is accepted so much in day to day interactions with women, that negging is not recognised for what it is, which is covert violence including on reality TV shows.
Negging put simply is cruelty dressed up as seduction.
Negging is making someone else feel bad in order to manipulate them into sex or intimacy. Negging is manipulation and coercion, and it doesn’t enable consent.
Consent provides a safe space to make your own decision concerning who you want to date, be in a relationship with and or be intimate with, however when there is manipulation, you don’t feel the same freedom to make your own decision.
We now understand negging involves coercion regarding consent because it involves manipulation, threats, or pressure to make someone “agree” to sex. Negging does not respect the other person’s choice to say no, body or boundaries.
Research from Mardi E Wilson from Griffith University, Australia, working with the domestic violence sector, describes negging as part of the rape culture, where a “no” is not respected.
