I have clients who ask me
“Are you sure my partner is a Narcissist?
You don’t even know them!”
I explain by their description of their partner’s behaviour, reactions, accusations and emotional manipulation, I don’t have to know their partner personally to identify Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Because the terms Narcissist, and gaslighting are thrown around so much, people often miss the red flags in their relationships, so here are examples you might experience in a relationship with a Narcissist.
Trying to get them to own their behaviour, self-reflect or apologise can be like trying to nail jelly to a wall!
When trying to explain to them how they have hurt you because they belittled you, betrayed you, used your trauma against you or undermined you, and they reply “That’s on you! Don’t blame the way you feel on me!”
Maybe you have caught them cheating on you and they tell you it is your fault for going through their phone!
When they attack you psychologically because they know you have low self worth, and you cry or become reactive and they respond with
“You’re too sensitive!” Or
“I was only joking!”
In the beginning of the relationship they act as if they can self-reflect because they apologise for hurting you, however, you realise those times have become less frequent the longer the relationship has gone on and more often than not, they have become more reactive and less self-reflective.
They make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your family and friends.
They may try to convince you your family and friends do not like them and you should be supporting them by cutting them all off.
Your partner does not respect your boundaries.
You have noticed your partner is critical of mutual friends or strangers and they think they’re an expert on every subject.
You try to talk to them about something you are going through and they bring the subject back to them.
You are not allowed to have a difference of opinion with them without them exploding.
Maybe your partner has convinced you, that you don’t need to work, but instead to stay at home and look after the children. This means you don’t have an income and you are reliant on your partner financially for everything, however, your partner does not allow you to buy clothing and shoes for the kids and if they give you money for food, it either does not cover what you need to buy or you are scrutinised as to why you bought what you bought. You avoid asking for more money to avoid their reaction.
Your partner has convinced you to give up your career you have worked so hard to achieve because it is a waste of time and you should be home with them.
There are good times in the relationship when your partner is affectionate, kind and loving and even fun, but there are more times when your partner is screaming at you, controlling or even throwing things in an argument.
You make excuses for your partner’s behaviour such as
“They’ve had a hard day.”
“They’re under a lot of stress.”
“If I hadn’t done this or said that, they wouldn’t have thrown my phone or put their fist through the door.”
“Things will get better.”
You find yourself thinking “I’m staying for the sake of the children. I don’t want my children growing up in a broken home or I don’t want them growing up without a Dad/mum.”
If this resembles your relationship, and you would like support, click on the link below for a booking today.
