As children, we internalise the messages we receive from our parents from the way our parents model relationships, parenting, conflict and even the way they communicate with us such as in a loving or abusive manner.
The messages we receive tell us if the world and relationships are safe or unsafe, and if we are good or bad. We take these messages with us into our relationships and they affect how we see ourselves and our partner and how we respond in conflict.
We are not aware the messages are buried deep inside us which cause us to react or overreact during the conflict.
It can be as simple as the way we respond to our partner’s style of affection which is different to ours.
If a person grew up with a pat on the head as affection, doing this to their partner can be seen as patronising but the partner has no idea what they’re doing wrong.
With professional help, a Counsellor can find the hidden messages that each person has brought into the relationship.
By doing this each person discovers a new appreciation for their partner and stops judging them on what is seen.
