How often have you reacted during an argument? You’re frustrated because you don’t feel heard. No one is listening to each other and tempers escalate.
There may be name-calling and yelling.
Why do we react in this way and how do we stop the cycle?
During an argument when tempers are flying our perspective of the situation is altered.
What we need to do is slow down our breathing. You might notice during an argument your heart rate is high and your breathing is rapid. At this point, that’s when you stop listening to each other.
The goal is to listen to understand not listen to get the next word in.
To understand your partners perspective, say to them “I hear you saying………” “Is this what you mean?”
At this point, the other person can clarify what they’re saying. This is the opportunity for the other person to acknowledge any misunderstanding or miscommunication and rephrase what they do mean. So the other person might respond.
“No honey that’s not what I meant. I can see why you thought that. I’m sorry if I have hurt your feelings. What I meant was………”
Saying things this way keeps tempers down. Both people are feeling heard.
During arguments, you might recognise you’re more sensitive around certain topics. If you don’t know why check within yourself did I feel like this during childhood, adolescents, or maybe past abusive relationships?
Understand being reactive is part of not feeling heard or respected. Listening to each other is so both of you feel heard and respected.
If you would like to learn more as a couple and repair the relationship don’t hesitate to click on the link below for a booking.
