Affairs are always painful to go through because of the betrayal experienced by the person you have invested emotionally and intimately with.
An affair is a betrayal because the person you feel the safest with emotionally has been emotionally intimate with another person.
Often the offending party does not see flirting with someone via text as betrayal.
What leads to an affair?
It can start with messaging someone on social media or text.
When there is ongoing conflict, criticism and contempt in the relationship, this can lead to one or both people feeling alone.
Instead of seeking professional support, one person may seek attention from someone outside of the relationship.
When one person reaches out to someone outside of the relationship, their current relationship gets in the way of the emotional and or physical affair.
They begin to feel trapped in their relationship and may develop behaviours such as a short fuse, less tolerance, and become snappy with their partner.
The offending partner may find reasons to “work back late” or go to the gym more often. They may change their password on all their devices, keep their phone on them more frequently, or face their phone down so their partner can not see messages coming
from the other person.
Eventually, the affair is exposed.
Instantly the partner is crushed, wounded and feelings of betrayal come flooding in.
They begin to blame themselves asking questions “What is wrong with me?” “Why aren’t I good enough?” “Why don’t you find me attractive?”
They realise how much the intimacy has dropped off.
How does the partner recover from betrayal?
The other person must cut off all contact with the other person.
They must block their number if there is going to be any chance of saving the relationship.
The relationship needs to start repairing. Questions have to be answered about the affair. The partner needs to unpack with the offending partner why the affair took place.
There needs to be remorse and not justification or blame.
The trust issues will be ongoing for a long time. The partner does not need to be told to “get over it!”
They will be suspicious of all their partner’s movements until they are satisfied their partner can be trusted.
If you are going through this and would like support, don’t hesitate to click on the link below for a booking today.
