Conflict is healthy in any relationship and it is an opportunity to understand what your partner needs within the relationship.
When two people are in conflict they are saying I am not getting my needs met. If both people are yelling at each other, they are shutting the other person down and not taking advantage of the opportunity to better understand there partner.
Seek to understand
It is always better to seek to understand your partner and conflict is a prime opportunity to do that.
In conflict, there will be an issue of power and control. Who holds the power and who holds control? One person will be holding the power while the other will hold control. Nobody wins in this situation. If both people refuse to back down they are saying I only care about my needs and niether person will have their needs met. If one person backs down, they relinquish their needs to keep the peace so this wont work either.
If both people decide to compromise, (seek to understand), both needs can be met and a stronger bond can be formed. Compromise says to the other person you are valued and I have your back because our relationship is important to me. In this situation both people will have their needs met.
Relationships are about meeting the needs of the other person but both people in the relationship need to have this focus for the relationship to work. A relationship will fail if only one person is giving while the other person is always taking which is often how conflict begins because one person realises they are giving all the time.
If both people are looking to the other person to have their needs met but not meeting their partners needs, this wont work either and again they’ll eventually be faced with conflict if this continues.
What normally happens is, when selfish behaviour continues, eventually theres an explosion of emotions and both people end up yelling at each other. This is the time to stop and listen to what the other person needs.
The bank account
For a relationship to work, there has to be positive deposits into the relationship just liike a bank account. If a bank account is empty, the bills cannot be covered. If a relationship is void of positive deposits, it will not withstand the conflict. There has to be a pattern of both people giving into the relationship for a relationship to last. This is called team work.
The next time you are in conflict, rather than focusing on tearing the other person down, seek to understand your partner better rather than taking it personally.
The making up is always the best part of any conflict.
