What do you do when the person who betrayed you is ready to move forward when you are still hurting from their betrayal?
They’re ready to move on because they want to put their actions behind them but expecting you to automatically forgive can feel like your pain is being invalidated.
This can be more traumatising than the betrayal itself.
It can feel like they’re expecting you to erase the betrayal and with it, your pain.
Your partner doesn’t understand your feelings of grief, fear, abandonment, and anger are all a legitimate response to betrayal. You are made to feel your emotions are a burden to them.
Forgiveness forced on you is not true forgiveness. It’s compliance.
Healing after betrayal takes time and that’s time at your own pace. It can’t be rushed. It has to be felt, understood and it takes time to rebuild that trust. You have to be allowed to heal. You need to feel understood. You may need space or you may need comfort. Everyone is different.
You need to be understood when you unexpectedly break down in tears, when those memories, fears and feelings of abandonment come flooding back.
Healthy reconciliation after betrayal is never about a timeline set by the one who caused the betrayal. It’s about mutual understanding, accountability and respect for each others mutual space.
Forgiving too soon to meet the other person’s need for comfort, risks retraumatising, weakening trust and rewounding while silencing your needs.
It’s ok to take longer to heal than your partner is comfortable with.
It’s ok to say I need more time and I don’t know how long that will be.
It’s ok to say I’m still hurting by what you did.
If your partner is genuinely wanting this relationship healed, they won’t put pressure on you to forgive before you’re ready.
If you would like support in this area of your relationship, I can support you. Just click on the link below for a booking today.
