Criticism doesn’t always come from hatred. It comes from hurt.
It can sound like
“You never…..,” or “You always…..”
The unspoken message behind the statement is a message of “I need to know I matter to you.” Or
“Do you see me?”
The reason we criticise the ones we love is because they matter most to us. Instead of pulling them in closer we push them away with our words. We don’t communicate what we are truly feeling.
What would it look like to communicate what we needed from each other?
Instead of “You never listen to me!” Became “I need you to see me.”
Instead of “You never want to spend time with me!”
Became “I feel alone right now and I need you to hold me.”
The first statement pushes our partner away while the second statement draws our partner in.
When there is criticism, the other person becomes defensive. Criticism creates division between a couple. There is no space for repair or understanding.
Though both people are seeking to be seen and understood, both people walk away feeling not seen, not listened to and hurt.
Criticism is never about chores not being done, or even raised voices.
It’s about needing more from each other like closeness, tenderness, and support.
When couples speak from a place of understanding and care instead of blame, love begins to feel like home instead of a battlefield.
If you are struggling with this in your relationship and would like the tools to find your way back to each other, I can support you.
The first step is to click on the link below for a booking today.
