Narcissists are very good at confusing their partner during conflict.
They have their partner mentally checking and double checking facts they know as their reality.
The victim gets so caught up in defending themselves, the issues they raised or challenged behaviours get lost in the confusion they now find themselves in.
Below are some phrases gaslighters use to confuse their partner.
When you hear phrases such as these, don’t get distracted defending your position.
Stay with the issue you are addressing.
Continually bring your partner back to the original topic.
The following phrases used by gaslighters.
“That never happened!” When addressinging something they did.
“Don’t you remember we had this conversation which you agreed to!”
A conversation that never took place.
“I think you need to calm down.”
You are not overreacting. You are simply addressing bad behaviour, however the repeated accusation that you are overreacting can make a person frustrated until you do have outbursts because you don’t feel heard, making the gaslighter point out you are overreacting.
“I’m sorry you’re angry” is not an apology. It normally follows with a “But” which then follows with why your anger is not justified. Another way of not validating how their behaviour has affected you.
Someone who cared for you would say something like, “I’m sorry what I said hurt you. That wasn’t my intention.”
“I never said that!” “I didn’t do that!”
This occurs when you raise things said and done to you and the Narcissist doesn’t take responsibility for their behaviour. Worse yet, they don’t validate how their behaviour affected you.
When this is a continual pattern, you give up ever mentioning anything because it doesn’t go anywhere.
It leaves you continually feeling not heard or validated.
“I never agreed to that!”
You know full well you had a conversation with your partner where both of you talked about going on a holiday, for example, but when you tell your partner you booked the holiday they denied the conversation ever took place!
This leaves you thinking “Am I going crazy!” “Did I imagine that whole conversation??”
The goal of gaslighting is to control and manipulate the other person.
It leaves the other person not knowing which way is up.
If you can recognise any if these behaviours, click on the link below for a booking today.
