Triggers are past events we bring into our present.
Generally speaking, the root of a trigger can start in our childhood, caused by a parent/s, family member or family friend, from years in school such us bullying from peers or Teachers.
Triggers can also come from past abusive relationships based on the messages your partner said to you through their abuse.
With these triggers come unhealthy messages about our self or an action because of how it made you feel at the time so the brain processes that person’s action towards you as the way it made you feel at that time.
E.g, if your parent screamed at you as a child every time you did something wrong, that might have caused fear inside you, causing you to be afraid to make a mistake because making a mistake produces not only fear of doing something wrong or the fear of being yelled at but also the fear of disapproval, the fear of not being good enough which produces needing approval and validation from others producing people pleasing which can lead to being taken advantage of because you won’t say no.
What this could look like in a relationship is you won’t make decisions in your relationship for fear of making the wrong decision so being put in a position to make a decision is a trigger for you because your brain feels like it’s back in your childhood of being screamed at for doing something wrong.
Or if your partner screamed at you because they’re having a bad day, your brain is telling you whatever the reason is, it’s your fault. This might cause you to shut down and pull away from your partner or it could cause you to instantly become defensive and start yelling back at your partner to protect yourself.
It is a good idea to talk about past experiences with your partner before these issues arise so that you understand each other and make a point of not using each other’s past against each other.
If you recognise similar symptoms in your relationship and would like support, click on the link below for a booking today.
