This is what a relationship looks like without validation.
a) Your partner tells you how hard their day is at work. You don’t stop what you’re doing and you don’t make eye contact to let your partner know you are interested in what they’re saying.
b) You’re partner tells you they’re depressed and that life is just too hard.
In fact, they don’t want to be here anymore.
Your response is “Life is hard for me too!! But I just get on with it because I have to!! I don’t know what you want me to say!!”
c) Your partner has had a great day at work and they begin to tell you about it. Instead of letting them know you’re listening, or sharing their excitement with them, you begin on another subject because you’re not interested in what they have to say. You may even talk over them.
In the first example, your partner will not feel heard or valued by you. They will feel alone and unsupported.
In the second example, this is called deflection and there is zero empathy.
Your partner will feel they are in this relationship alone. They may even stop coming to you with how they feel and may pull away emotionally and physically.
In the third example, your partner will pick up very quickly that you are not interested in their day. They will still feel unsupported and will eventually stop including you in their successes.
All these examples are missed opportunities to “turning towards” your partner as “Gottmans Theory” mentions.
Turning toward your partner is when you acknowledge what they are saying, you take the time to listen, make eye contact, stop what you are doing and offer support and not solutions unless your partner asks for a solution.
“Turning towards” your partner instead of “turning away” builds up your relationship with trust, friendship, emotional and physical intimacy, communication and even romance.
“Turning away” means missed opportunities to connect with your partner resulting in pushing them away and creating distance, disconnection, contempt and criticism.
If you are recognising these issues in your relationship, your relationship can be saved by clicking on the link below for a booking today.
