In every relationship there will be a difference of opinion, however, if you are finding a different opinion from your partner creates conflict to the point of screaming, escalation, being spiteful, name calling or someone walking off, there are issues that are not being resolved. But why aren’t the issues being resolved?
Does it feel like you’re continually putting out “spot fires” in your relationship because of a difference of opinion?
Do you find it easier not to give an opinion but instead agree and walk away?
Maybe you respond with “whatever” before walking away because you’re not being listened to anyway.
This leaves you feeling intimidated, not valued or loved.
This behaviour causes you to pull away emotionally and physically while you give up communicating altogether and you both become “silent partners” in your own home.
So what is the answer?
Both people need to feel heard and not talked over or talked down. We are not going to agree with each other on every level and that’s ok. Each person is entitled to voice their opinion but not while railroading their partner into submission to agree with us.
E.g. Karen says to her husband,
“All we ever do is fight!!”
David replies immediately before Karen can take a breath,
“No, we don’t! Why would you say that!”
Karen might be thinking to herself,
“Why do I bother? He never hears what I have to say.” Karen walks away feeling invalidated and not heard.
What David could have said is
“Honey, I’m sorry our relationship feels like that for you. What is it you want to talk about? I’ll make an effort to listen.”
How do you think Karen would have felt if David had responded to her in this way?
Karen would have felt heard, validated and safe to continue the conversation.
If a person doesn’t feel safe talking to their partner because they’re instantly shut down or yelled at, they’ll stop communicating.
I can show you the skills to help with communication, validation, affirmation and more.
If you would like to stop having to put out spot fires and regain trust, peace and love in your relationship, click on the link above for a booking today.
