You can not fight something you have not acknowledged so the first step in recovering from gaslighting behaviour is identifying the behaviour. Are their statements true about you? Have you lost confidence in your ability to make decisions within the relationship? Do you feel like everything you say is challenged or not validated?
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is emotional manipulation, and it is used to make a person dependent on the other person through denial of facts, belittling, denial, humiliation, lies and deceit, justification and blaming.
For examples of gaslighting in relationships, read this article on what gaslighting looks like in a relationship.
How to Fight & Overcome Gaslighting?
Remember the other person’s actions, words and behaviour belong to them. You are not responsible for their responses, thoughts, actions, reactions etc. You also have no control over any of these. You only have responsibility and control over your thoughts, actions, words, reactions etc.
Do not react to their baiting which may look like undermining you, criticism, putdowns, denial etc. Once you react, they will blame you for their actions toward you.
Do not think you can rescue or change who they are. Be honest with yourself about their behaviour. Do not make excuses for it or justify their behaviour. They will never own their behaviour, but they will try to make you own it for them.
Never give up what you know as your truth of who you are as a person. Someone who is confident in who they are as a person is extremely dangerous to a Narcissist. This means they, the Narcissist cannot control, manipulate or confuse them.
If you think you may be in a relationship with a narcissist, this article will help you: Are you in a relationship with a narcissist?
Do not try to argue on their terms. You will never win an argument with them. You do not have to prove yourself to them and you never will. You will be left feeling like you are chasing your tail trying to prove what you know is real.
If you feel threatened by someone who is gaslighting you, do not hang around waiting for someone to validate your experience. Make a safety plan to leave. Keep in contact with someone you can trust. Let them know what has been going on. Put money aside in a secret bank account so you’ll have financial security after you leave. You may need to save for a bond for a rental, pay for the electricity to be put on, buy food etc.
How to Recover from Gaslighting – Tips on Recovering from Gaslighting?
Remember, their opinion of you does not define you as a person. You have probably lost your identity in your relationship by now if you are reading this. Recovery is about finding who you are again. Find out what you are passionate about. What do you enjoy doing? What are you good at? Where would you like to see your future going in the next 5 years?
It is advised that you don’t go through recovering from gaslighting alone. Narcissists do not allow you to walk away without trying to bring you down, “love bomb” you to get you back, make you doubt you made the right decision to leave or just continually abuse, humiliate and discredit you.
Reach out to family and friends you can trust and also contact a Professional Counsellor for support and expert help on recovering from gaslighting.
