Gaslighting is when a person manages to make their partner question their reality. This is a technique used in abusive relationships. Gaslighting is done slowly so the victim isn’t aware they are being brainwashed. The goal of brainwashing is to make the victim believe they are losing their grip on reality.
They will tell you lies with a straight face to the point you begin to question your memory though you have evidence to the contrary. They tell you they did or didn’t do the opposite of the truth making you question reality to the point you begin to accept their fantasy reality.
They know how important your children and your identity are to you so they may target both of these. They will have a huge list of things against you to rip away your confidence.
Gaslighting takes place very slowly like the frog in the pot analogy. The heat is turned up gradually so the frog is not aware the water is getting warmer. In the same way, the lieing is ever so gradual until the abuser increases the putdowns and the blaming for things that were their responsibility.
It is important to look at your partners actions rather than their words to hold onto reality. When questioning their words, return to what you visually remember to expose their lies and avoid being manipulated.
By now you have been trained to accept your partner does not value you but they give you a compliment. This is to knock you off balance. You begin to change your opinion of them and trust them again. In reality, you were praised because it served a purpose.
Your partner accuses you of the very behaviour you suspect them of such as cheating, using drugs, drinking or withdrawing large sums of money for the bank account. While you are busy defending yourself, you are not focusing on their behaviour which is the goal of the gaslighter.
Gaslighters are good at manipulating people to attack you including those closest to you including your children and or family. They will tell you that those closest to you support what the gaslighter says about you. Be aware those closest to you may not have had a conversation with the gaslighter about you. This tactic makes you withdraw from your circle of friends and family so you are isolated, giving the gaslighter total control over you.
The gaslighter tells people and yourself you are crazy so when you turn to someone you trust about what is happening in your relationship you will be told things like “You’re not perfect you know.”
The gaslighter is an expert at convincing you those close to you are not good for you, especially if someone outside of the relationship can see the truth behind the manipulation and you can’t see the truth. This makes you, the victim turn to the gaslighter for support and protection.
By now you don’t recognise reality anymore and you ask yourself questions like “what is happening to me?” You are under the “spell” of the gaslighter.
If you manage to get out of the grip of the gaslighter don’t be hard on yourself for being manipulated. The smartest and most capable of people have been manipulated by a gaslighter.
